"Babe, it's almost 4:20, get your phone ready!"
"Yeah Babe, I know, I know," he said, fumbling to take his phone from his pocket. "I've got it all set up and shit."
"This is going to be the best Four-Twenty Day snap of all time," she giggled. "Four-Twenty at 4:20." She held her phone up so that she could look at her own reflection. "I'm so cute," she said. "Look at me, Babe, I'm so kawaii."
"Yeah Babe," he said absentmindedly, taking a drag from a thumb-sized joint. "So cute, seriously,"
His shallow praise washed over her without registering. She was too busy stretching her top to show maximum cleavage and adjusting her bangs to hide a rash of acne on her temple. Once she was satisfied with how she looked, she snapped a few selfies so that she could post them to Instagram later on.
"I'm ready, Babe," she said.
"Yeah Babe," he said, holding up his phone.
"I want it to post right at 4:20, you got that Babe?" she asked.
"Yeah Babe," he said.
"I'm ready, take it now!"
"Yeah Babe," he said, pressing the big red "record" icon on his phone. "Rolling..." he whispered.
She winked at the camera, then put a cock-sized joint to her ruby-red lips. She fumbled with her lighter for a moment before getting a light, then took a long drag. She held it in for a moment, her eyes fluttering like butterfly wings, then blew thick blue smoke rings toward the camera.
"Yeah Babe," he said. "That was good."
"Post it!" she said. "Best Four-twenty post ever!"
Just then there was a knock on her bedroom door.
"Dinner will be ready soon," her mom called in through the door.
"Ugh, Mom!" she snapped. "You almost messed up my Four-Twenty snap!"
"Sorry Sweety," her mom said remorsefully.
"Go away!" she barked. "Don't do it again!"
"Sorry Sweety," her mom said again.
"God she's stupid," she sighed, flopping down on her bed. "I'm twenty years old for God's sake. I don't need her to come tell me when dinner is ready. I can go down there myself."
"Yeah Babe," he said.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Saturday, April 14, 2018
Freebies
This novel wraps up the series of novelettes that I started publishing in 2017 (Lumiuxx, Daddy, Paige, and Aurelie - all of which are no longer available to buy).
If you're looking for a good read, or you just want to help me out, then download my book and give it a nice fat 5-star rating!
Friday, April 6, 2018
Friday
"Ughh, today is dragging," Pete sighed. "I'm done. Seriously, I just want to go home." He put his head down on his desk and groaned loudly. It was 2:48 in the afternoon. He still had over an hour before he could leave his desk and start his weekend. An hour that felt like an eternity.
He kept his head on his for a few moments, wallowing in his own self-pity, then got up and walked to the break room to fill his mug with water. He didn't really need any water. In fact, he wasn't thirsty at all, and his mug was already full of water from the last time he had walked to the breakroom five minutes earlier; but going to the break room to fill his mug with water was an excuse to get up from his godforsaken desk and stretch his legs.
After filling his mug with water, he left the mug at his desk and went to use the restroom. He didn't really need to use the restroom. In fact, he didn't need to use the restroom at all. He had been to the restroom less than ten minutes ago. But walking to the restroom was an excuse to get up from his godforsaken desk and stretch his legs.
The small, two-stall single-urinal restroom was empty. Pete sauntered up to the urinal and stood there, staring at the white tiles on the wall. He stood there, dreading going back to his godforsaken desk until someone else came into the restroom. Pete pretended to finish pissing, then went and washed his hands for an inordinate amount of time.
After leaving the restroom, Pete took a long walk back to his desk. Instead of walking directly down the hall, past the elevators, Pete went the opposite direction, toward the building exit. He turned right, cutting through another department, then right again past an auxiliary copy room, and then right again, through another department that was empty for the day. Pete looped back around past the elevators, then walked toward the conference rooms on the south side of the building. He walked slowly, not quite dragging his feet, but moving at a snail's pace nonetheless.
At last, Pete came back to his own office. He stood at the door, dreading going back to his godforsaken desk until someone else came out the door and he had no choice but to go in and avoid an awkward conversation.
"Ughh, today is dragging," Pete sighed as he sat down at his desk. "I'm done. Seriously, I just want to go home." He put his head down on his desk and groaned loudly. It was 2:53 in the afternoon. He still had over an hour before he could leave his desk and start his weekend. An hour that felt like an eternity.
He kept his head on his for a few moments, wallowing in his own self-pity, then got up and walked to the break room to fill his mug with water. He didn't really need any water. In fact, he wasn't thirsty at all, and his mug was already full of water from the last time he had walked to the breakroom five minutes earlier; but going to the break room to fill his mug with water was an excuse to get up from his godforsaken desk and stretch his legs.
After filling his mug with water, he left the mug at his desk and went to use the restroom. He didn't really need to use the restroom. In fact, he didn't need to use the restroom at all. He had been to the restroom less than ten minutes ago. But walking to the restroom was an excuse to get up from his godforsaken desk and stretch his legs.
The small, two-stall single-urinal restroom was empty. Pete sauntered up to the urinal and stood there, staring at the white tiles on the wall. He stood there, dreading going back to his godforsaken desk until someone else came into the restroom. Pete pretended to finish pissing, then went and washed his hands for an inordinate amount of time.
After leaving the restroom, Pete took a long walk back to his desk. Instead of walking directly down the hall, past the elevators, Pete went the opposite direction, toward the building exit. He turned right, cutting through another department, then right again past an auxiliary copy room, and then right again, through another department that was empty for the day. Pete looped back around past the elevators, then walked toward the conference rooms on the south side of the building. He walked slowly, not quite dragging his feet, but moving at a snail's pace nonetheless.
At last, Pete came back to his own office. He stood at the door, dreading going back to his godforsaken desk until someone else came out the door and he had no choice but to go in and avoid an awkward conversation.
"Ughh, today is dragging," Pete sighed as he sat down at his desk. "I'm done. Seriously, I just want to go home." He put his head down on his desk and groaned loudly. It was 2:53 in the afternoon. He still had over an hour before he could leave his desk and start his weekend. An hour that felt like an eternity.
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Delete Facebook Now
Mark's finger hovered over the trackpad on his laptop, like some invisible force was holding him back from making the final click. His tongue flicked out, dragging dryly across his chapped lips. He blinked his bloodshot eyes shut as a fat bead of perspiration ran down his oily face.
"I can't do it," he whispered to himself. "I just... I can't do it."
At that moment the door to his bedroom creaked open. A flood of light poured into the room as Mark shifted his body awkwardly to cover the screen of his laptop.
"What are you doing in here," his wife asked him.
"Uh... ah, nothing!" Mark croaked. "I'm just, nothing."
"That doesn't sound suspicious at all," she said, taking a step into the room.
"No, don't!" Mark squeaked. "I'm looking at porn!"
"Don't be stupid," she laughed. "Let me see what you're doing."
"No!" Mark shrieked, leaping off the bed with his laptop. He made a quick line for the door, but she cut him off, catching him by his elbow. He tried desperately to wriggle from her iron grasp, but she was just too strong. As he struggled, Mark felt a decade's worth of angst and frustration suddenly burst within him and he dropped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Aww, don't be sad," she said, running her thick fingers through his knotted crimson hair. "I didn't mean to bully you."
"It's just... it's just not fair," Mark whined. "I want them to like me. Why don't they like me?"
"What are you talking about?" she asked. "I like you. That's all that matters, isn't it?"
"But... but..." Mark stuttered. "But, I was... I was cool, right? I mean, they weren't just using me, I was genuinely cool, right?"
She kissed him on the forehead to hide her own contempt. "Yes, you were cool," she lied.
Mark felt his anxiety slowly ebb as she held him. At last, he sat up and looked into her dark eyes.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "I just wasn't ready. But now I am."
"Ready for what?" she asked.
He grabbed his laptop from the floor and turned it so that she could see the screen. "This," he said stoically.
"Oh, so that's what this was all about," she said as she looked at the screen.
"Yes," he told her. "I'm going to do it."
He put the computer on the floor between the two of them and then put his hand out so that his finger hovered just above the trackpad.
"Do it," she told him. "I know you can."
"I... I don't know," he managed to say through clenched teeth.
"You can do it, Mark," she told him. "You're the last person in the entire world that's still on it. There's no reason to keep it."
"I... I..." Mark muttered. A salty drop of sweat dripped in his eye as he struggled to press his finger down on the trackpad. He scrunched his eyes together, his hand quivering over the trackpad.
"Do it," she told him again. "Do it, Mark! Delete your Facebook account. Delete it. Delete Facebook. Delete Facebook now!"
"I can't do it," he whispered to himself. "I just... I can't do it."
At that moment the door to his bedroom creaked open. A flood of light poured into the room as Mark shifted his body awkwardly to cover the screen of his laptop.
"What are you doing in here," his wife asked him.
"Uh... ah, nothing!" Mark croaked. "I'm just, nothing."
"That doesn't sound suspicious at all," she said, taking a step into the room.
"No, don't!" Mark squeaked. "I'm looking at porn!"
"Don't be stupid," she laughed. "Let me see what you're doing."
"No!" Mark shrieked, leaping off the bed with his laptop. He made a quick line for the door, but she cut him off, catching him by his elbow. He tried desperately to wriggle from her iron grasp, but she was just too strong. As he struggled, Mark felt a decade's worth of angst and frustration suddenly burst within him and he dropped to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Aww, don't be sad," she said, running her thick fingers through his knotted crimson hair. "I didn't mean to bully you."
"It's just... it's just not fair," Mark whined. "I want them to like me. Why don't they like me?"
"What are you talking about?" she asked. "I like you. That's all that matters, isn't it?"
"But... but..." Mark stuttered. "But, I was... I was cool, right? I mean, they weren't just using me, I was genuinely cool, right?"
She kissed him on the forehead to hide her own contempt. "Yes, you were cool," she lied.
Mark felt his anxiety slowly ebb as she held him. At last, he sat up and looked into her dark eyes.
"I'm sorry," he told her. "I just wasn't ready. But now I am."
"Ready for what?" she asked.
He grabbed his laptop from the floor and turned it so that she could see the screen. "This," he said stoically.
"Oh, so that's what this was all about," she said as she looked at the screen.
"Yes," he told her. "I'm going to do it."
He put the computer on the floor between the two of them and then put his hand out so that his finger hovered just above the trackpad.
"Do it," she told him. "I know you can."
"I... I don't know," he managed to say through clenched teeth.
"You can do it, Mark," she told him. "You're the last person in the entire world that's still on it. There's no reason to keep it."
"I... I..." Mark muttered. A salty drop of sweat dripped in his eye as he struggled to press his finger down on the trackpad. He scrunched his eyes together, his hand quivering over the trackpad.
"Do it," she told him again. "Do it, Mark! Delete your Facebook account. Delete it. Delete Facebook. Delete Facebook now!"
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Psalms of the Apocalypse
In case you're wondering, this novel wraps up the series of novelettes that have been coming out sporadically since March 2017 and includes the final two books that have never been published. This book is full of subtle and not-so-subtle plot changes from the original novelettes, so even if you've already read the other stories, I recommend just starting on page one with Psalms of the Apocalypse. Enjoy!
Monday, March 5, 2018
Updates
Just a quick post to let everyone know that YES, the final Psalms of the Apocalypse book will be out soon. I've been swamped with a variety of projects and life-happenings, but rest assured that everything has already been written and is currently working its way through the publishing machine.
Finally, the first book (or should I start calling them parts?) of Psalms of the Apocalypse is available for FREE on Kindle from now through Friday, March 9. If you haven't had a chance to read any of the Psalms of the Apocalypse books, consider this a sneak peak for the full novel that'll be out in May. When the full collection is released there will be some considerable plot changes, so it might be fun just to read things through and see how the story and characters have changed.
That said, the final book will NOT be released as a stand-alone edition but rather all five books will be combined into a re-worked, re-edited collection titled simply Psalms of the Apocalypse. If everything goes to plan, this book should be out in early May 2018. Make sure to follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, etc for chances to win early-release signed copies and other cool schwag.
Additionally, YES, the second book in the Prisoners of War series is in the works and should be released sometime in the relatively near future.
Finally, the first book (or should I start calling them parts?) of Psalms of the Apocalypse is available for FREE on Kindle from now through Friday, March 9. If you haven't had a chance to read any of the Psalms of the Apocalypse books, consider this a sneak peak for the full novel that'll be out in May. When the full collection is released there will be some considerable plot changes, so it might be fun just to read things through and see how the story and characters have changed.
Thanks for following, reading, commenting, rating, and everything else! New books are on the way ✌
Friday, January 26, 2018
Reviews
I'm not a best-selling author, but I do have consistent sales across a variety of genres. But even though a growing number of people have paid money to get their hands on my books, I find that drumming up reviews is like pulling teeth. So when I do get a review, I'm super excited. I love getting feedback from readers. Getting a review on Amazon or Goodreads makes it feel less like I'm tossing my books out into the void and more like I'm making some sort of meaningful contribution to the zeitgeist.
Anyway, there's my Friday rant.
And again, I love reviews. I want them. Please write them. Just don't be an idiot about it.
So just to recap: Reviews are awesome. Please review my books. Be brutally honest. I can take it.
That said, would it kill people to sprinkle their reviews with a dash of intelligence? It's grating to get a review along the lines of...
"This book was great, but it's part of a series and I hate series book. One star."
"Super engaging and fun to read, but I hate science-fiction. One star."
"I laughed, I cried, I shit my pants. But I don't like words with vowels in them. One star."Why do people write reviews like this? Granted, only two of these examples are based on actual reviews, but the point's the same. People that knock a product because they didn't like some innate aspect of that product (such as its genre or number of pages) should have their reviewing rights revoked. How the fuck can you like something and then give it a shitty rating because of something that is a feature and not a bug?
Anyway, there's my Friday rant.
And again, I love reviews. I want them. Please write them. Just don't be an idiot about it.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Fire and Fury
This new book from Michael Wolff, Fire and Fury, is pretty funny. It's especially funny because it seems that the book has confirmed a lot of the most ridiculous satirical shit out of Crump. At the risk of sounding like a narcissistic douche, I'm enjoying watching life imitate art.
Sunday, December 24, 2017
Happy Christmas
If you're looking for something to read during Christmas, I've got some recommendations. From now (Christmas Eve) through 12/28, you can get my raunchy political satire novel Crump for FREE on Kindle. This novel is nasty and hilarious but is definitely not for those with a weak constitution.
If you'd rather avoid politics during the holidays, then you can pick up the second and third books in my science-fiction series Psalms of the Apocalypse.
There are currently four books in the series, and the final book will be coming out sometime soon (think mid to late January), so now is the perfect time to catch up on everything that you've missed so far so that you'll be ready for the finale.
Happy Christmas to everyone, enjoy!
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
Black Friday
If you're looking for some awesome deals this Black Friday, look no further. You can get FREE copies of Lumiuxx (book one of the Psalms of the Apocalypse series) and Shanghai Shuffle (book one of the Prisoners of War series) for FREE on Kindle from now through 11/26. Enjoy and happy Thanksgiving!
Postscript: Make sure to leave a review! All reviews are appreciated, but of course 5-star reviews are the best.
Postscript: Make sure to leave a review! All reviews are appreciated, but of course 5-star reviews are the best.
Monday, November 20, 2017
The Truth About Toys
As a parent with two small children, on the eve of the rampantly commercialized consumer frenzy that will be the Holiday Season of 2017, I feel the uncontrollable urge to voice an opinion that I think most parents of small children are too afraid to say out loud (for fear of being labeled as “bad parents” by a society obsessed with the accumulation of things, I suppose) and to bring to light a serious cultural problem that I think needs to be urgently addressed. These two issues are one in the same and they have to do specifically and generally with toys. Here is the truth about toys: children don’t need them and parents hate them.
Sure, children want the toys that are advertised to them; they can’t help but want them. Children are brainwashed into wanting toys by highly skilled advertisers who use every trick in the book to manipulate children’s defenseless little brains into needing whatever toy is being sold. But as any parent will tell you, the novelty of a new toy doesn’t last long, and once that novelty has worn off, the child promptly forgets about the toy. Inevitably, the toy ends up at the bottom of a box, under the couch, or shoved in the back of a closet, and, before long, the toy is forgotten completely. In the end, the few minutes that the child played with the toy hardly justifies the price of that toy - a price that few toy buyers take into consideration.
The most obvious cost of the toy is the sticker price. This is money that comes directly out of the buyer’s pocket. But what about the environmental cost of producing the toy (which is most likely made of some form of plastic)? What about the cost of shipping the toy thousands upon thousands of miles (chances are good that the toy was made in China). Then there’s the cost to the American economy of purchasing a toy made by low wage labor in a developing country; the cost of jobs lost, taxes not paid, wealth being exported from our liberal democracy to an authoritarian communist country. And then, once the toy has been played with and discarded, there is the bonus environmental cost associated with the toy, where it will sit in a landfill taking hundreds and hundreds of years to degrade.
But for some insane reason, despite the fact that children don’t need toys and parents hate them; despite the fact that the toys hurt our economy and our environment; despite the fact that our children all already have more toys than they could ever realistically play with; each and every Christmas, every birthday, and even on minor occasions such as Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and Easter, our children are bombarded with cheap toys and tchotchke, made, for the most part, in China. And all of this toy crazy consumerism is taking place in the face of rising nationalism, isolationism, and populism, all centered around a disdain for foreign-made goods and services. All the cultural and ethical signs say “stop spending your hard earned dollars on cheap plastic toys made in other countries,” but Americans keep spending and spending. Americans can’t stop accumulating massive amounts of shit, they can’t stop filling their lives with meaningless, useless garbage instead of meaningful experiences and achievements.
The quick and easy answer to this problem is to simply stop buying cheap plastic junk made in China and other states with questionable worker conditions. Americans need to stop the insanity of compulsively buying things that we don’t want or need. In the case of toys, everyone involved would be better off simply investing that money into a college savings plan, government bonds, the stock market, or even just sticking the money into a plain old savings account at the bank. If saving and investing is something that you are allergic to, then spend your money on either American made goods or on products manufactured in other first world countries. The higher cost of these goods will necessarily constrain the number of things purchased, and nudge you, the consumer, to be more considerate of the things they do decide to purchase.
I can already hear all the parents out there crying about the inhumanity of depriving their precious children of the joy of brand new, fresh off the boat toys from abroad. “My child needs toys!” or “Toys are imperative for healthy development!” Give me a fucking break. Children are incredibly intelligent, creative, and eager to express themselves - and they can do all of this WITHOUT TOYS. Give your kid a box and some markers. Give them some blankets. Give them paper and glue. Give them something that will prompt them to exercise their imaginations. Allow them to be children. Encourage them to make believe and create. Get off your phone for two seconds and actually interact with them.
The truth about toys is that they are draining the wealth from our country, funding the rise of authoritarianism abroad, impoverishing blue-collar American workers, playing to the most absurd and selfish whims of children, and providing literally nothing of value in our society. The truth about toys is that it’s easier to spend money on shit to distract your kids with than it is to give them your full attention. The truth about toys is that they are made by adults, bought by adults, and then quickly discarded by children. The truth about toys is that nobody needs them.
This holiday season, when you’re deciding which battery operated, wifi-enabled, pediatrician approved plastic piece of shit to buy for the children in your life, consider this: Every toy you buy, every dollar you send to China in exchange for a useless piece of plastic, is putting a bullet in a Chinese gun. In the future, when the Chinese start using those bullets, who do you think they’ll be aimed at?
It’s one of the shitty ironies of life that children grow up to fight and die in the wars that their parents created. When you’re buying toys for your kids this season, trading American wealth for Chinese-made instant gratification, keep in mind the fact that you’re destabilizing your own country and empowering a ruthless authoritarian dictatorship that despises American exceptionalism and will eat your children alive in order to sustain itself.
This holiday season, don’t give in. Don’t buy a bunch of cheap plastic shit made in China. Save your money. Invest your money. Buy products that were made in America. Or best of all, spend some quality time with your kids.
Sure, children want the toys that are advertised to them; they can’t help but want them. Children are brainwashed into wanting toys by highly skilled advertisers who use every trick in the book to manipulate children’s defenseless little brains into needing whatever toy is being sold. But as any parent will tell you, the novelty of a new toy doesn’t last long, and once that novelty has worn off, the child promptly forgets about the toy. Inevitably, the toy ends up at the bottom of a box, under the couch, or shoved in the back of a closet, and, before long, the toy is forgotten completely. In the end, the few minutes that the child played with the toy hardly justifies the price of that toy - a price that few toy buyers take into consideration.
The most obvious cost of the toy is the sticker price. This is money that comes directly out of the buyer’s pocket. But what about the environmental cost of producing the toy (which is most likely made of some form of plastic)? What about the cost of shipping the toy thousands upon thousands of miles (chances are good that the toy was made in China). Then there’s the cost to the American economy of purchasing a toy made by low wage labor in a developing country; the cost of jobs lost, taxes not paid, wealth being exported from our liberal democracy to an authoritarian communist country. And then, once the toy has been played with and discarded, there is the bonus environmental cost associated with the toy, where it will sit in a landfill taking hundreds and hundreds of years to degrade.
But for some insane reason, despite the fact that children don’t need toys and parents hate them; despite the fact that the toys hurt our economy and our environment; despite the fact that our children all already have more toys than they could ever realistically play with; each and every Christmas, every birthday, and even on minor occasions such as Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and Easter, our children are bombarded with cheap toys and tchotchke, made, for the most part, in China. And all of this toy crazy consumerism is taking place in the face of rising nationalism, isolationism, and populism, all centered around a disdain for foreign-made goods and services. All the cultural and ethical signs say “stop spending your hard earned dollars on cheap plastic toys made in other countries,” but Americans keep spending and spending. Americans can’t stop accumulating massive amounts of shit, they can’t stop filling their lives with meaningless, useless garbage instead of meaningful experiences and achievements.
The quick and easy answer to this problem is to simply stop buying cheap plastic junk made in China and other states with questionable worker conditions. Americans need to stop the insanity of compulsively buying things that we don’t want or need. In the case of toys, everyone involved would be better off simply investing that money into a college savings plan, government bonds, the stock market, or even just sticking the money into a plain old savings account at the bank. If saving and investing is something that you are allergic to, then spend your money on either American made goods or on products manufactured in other first world countries. The higher cost of these goods will necessarily constrain the number of things purchased, and nudge you, the consumer, to be more considerate of the things they do decide to purchase.
I can already hear all the parents out there crying about the inhumanity of depriving their precious children of the joy of brand new, fresh off the boat toys from abroad. “My child needs toys!” or “Toys are imperative for healthy development!” Give me a fucking break. Children are incredibly intelligent, creative, and eager to express themselves - and they can do all of this WITHOUT TOYS. Give your kid a box and some markers. Give them some blankets. Give them paper and glue. Give them something that will prompt them to exercise their imaginations. Allow them to be children. Encourage them to make believe and create. Get off your phone for two seconds and actually interact with them.
The truth about toys is that they are draining the wealth from our country, funding the rise of authoritarianism abroad, impoverishing blue-collar American workers, playing to the most absurd and selfish whims of children, and providing literally nothing of value in our society. The truth about toys is that it’s easier to spend money on shit to distract your kids with than it is to give them your full attention. The truth about toys is that they are made by adults, bought by adults, and then quickly discarded by children. The truth about toys is that nobody needs them.
This holiday season, when you’re deciding which battery operated, wifi-enabled, pediatrician approved plastic piece of shit to buy for the children in your life, consider this: Every toy you buy, every dollar you send to China in exchange for a useless piece of plastic, is putting a bullet in a Chinese gun. In the future, when the Chinese start using those bullets, who do you think they’ll be aimed at?
It’s one of the shitty ironies of life that children grow up to fight and die in the wars that their parents created. When you’re buying toys for your kids this season, trading American wealth for Chinese-made instant gratification, keep in mind the fact that you’re destabilizing your own country and empowering a ruthless authoritarian dictatorship that despises American exceptionalism and will eat your children alive in order to sustain itself.
This holiday season, don’t give in. Don’t buy a bunch of cheap plastic shit made in China. Save your money. Invest your money. Buy products that were made in America. Or best of all, spend some quality time with your kids.
Thursday, November 16, 2017
Empress Theresa
I just watched this interesting video on the book Empress Theresa by Norman Boutin. I skimmed a bit of the book, and honestly it's pretty terrible, BUT I applaud Boutin for both hacking the internet and getting a bunch of people to read/review his book and also for sticking to his guns and being completely uncompromising.
I'd written a post a few months ago about being an uncompromising, singularly focused, solitary writer. tl;dr just write your book, proof it, and get it published. Stop pussyfooting around with honing your art or whatever. Granted, Boutin apparently spent upwards of four decades putting this book together, so he took his sweet time; but in the end, he published something and didn't bother perverting his writing the the ideas and judgments of other people.
What you write should be your own. Don't apologize. Don't capitulate. Stick to your fucking guns and shamelessly defend your work to the bitter end. But FYI your writing is probably really terrible and you'll die in obscurity.
I'd written a post a few months ago about being an uncompromising, singularly focused, solitary writer. tl;dr just write your book, proof it, and get it published. Stop pussyfooting around with honing your art or whatever. Granted, Boutin apparently spent upwards of four decades putting this book together, so he took his sweet time; but in the end, he published something and didn't bother perverting his writing the the ideas and judgments of other people.
What you write should be your own. Don't apologize. Don't capitulate. Stick to your fucking guns and shamelessly defend your work to the bitter end. But FYI your writing is probably really terrible and you'll die in obscurity.
Friday, November 3, 2017
Kindle eBook Updates
One of the coolest features of Kindle eBooks is that they can be updated to correct distracting formatting or publishing errors, to add new content, or to fix gaping plot holes. These updates happen automatically for many of Amazon's reading devices and apps (and is the default option for some platforms).
I highly recommend that you turn on these updates so that you always have the most up-to-date version of your eBooks. As an example of new content that you would be missing, if you didn't have automatic updates enabled, I've recently started to update all of my books to take advantage of Amazon's X-Ray feature. Without automatic updates, you wouldn't be able to see all this new content!
I grabbed these instructions from Amazon on how to enable automatic updates for your eBooks. Turn it on and stay up to date!
To receive updates to your eBooks automatically:
Note: The Automatic Book Update feature might not be available for markets outside of the U.S.
- Turn on the Annotations Backup* for your Kindle device or Kindle reading app. This will sync your notes, highlights, eBookmarks, and furthest page read
- Go to the Manage Your Content and Devices page
- Select "Automatic Book Update" under the Settings tab
- Select "On" from the dropdown menu
*The devices listed below automatically enable the Annotations Backup. As a result, you won't be able turn off the Backup.
- Kindle for Android
- Kindle for Windows 8
- Kindle for BlackBerry 10
Thursday, November 2, 2017
Crump Giveaway
In celebration of the one year anniversary of the United States electing a bright orange man-child to the highest office in the land, I'm giving away free copies of my political satire novel Crump! If you'd like to get a paperback copy of Crump (and you have a Twitter account), then you should definitely enter the Crump Amazon giveaway. It's running through 11/8/2017. Good luck!
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
X-Ray for Kindle
I was reading through Amazon's monthly newsletter and learned about the X-Ray feature - which is essentially an on-demand index that you can pull up by pressing and holding on the name of a character, place, event, or term in the book. This is super cool, so I've been updating all of my books to have X-Ray. I'll probably have them all updated in the next week or so.
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